REVIEW : Twilight

Although i saw this movie ages ago (twice i might add, and i also fell asleep twice) i believe it deserves an honest non " im in love with Edward Cullen soo much i buy a t-shirt from supre informing everyone of this fact" opinion.

Firstly YES i read the book, no i didn't read the second one or the one after that but i did read the first cover to cover. Im saddened that todays youth have this to read as opposed to Goose bumps and Anamorphs!......... cos they rocked! and this ....... not so much.......

Im not going to bore you with the details of the plotline as someone else has wasted important time in their life writing this -----------> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twilight_(novel)

Instead im going to concentrate on only two of the LAME things the characters say in this film (trust me there is MORE), are we ready? lets go.

Isabella Swan: So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?

Edward Cullen: Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.

Yes because there is different brands of heroin, just like Coke and Pepsi, if your Edward Cullen you get to walk up to the human vending machine and pick you favorite flavour. Taking a vampires lust and making it akin to a serious drug is lame he could get the same feeling across like 50 cent does in his song 21 Questions, it goes "i love you like a fat kid loves cake" to me cake is much more appealing than heroin!

Isabella Swan: You've got to give me some answers.

Edward Cullen: I'd rather hear your theories.

Isabella Swan: I have considered radioactive spiders and kryptonite.

Edward Cullen: That's all superhero stuff, right? What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm... the bad guy?

Once again the lame bell tolls, ripping on possibly two of the greatest fictional characters to ever grace this earth, both of which could kick his ass, both of which have a greater following, both of which have better movies or television shows than this movie.

What if he is the BAD guy, the bad at acting guy?! the bad at looking even remotely attractive in any photo guy? im no oil painting myself but i dont parade around like this!

Exhibit A

Nice "do" although i prefer to call it a DO NOT! and what kind of ears are those? apart from idiotic.

Exhibit B

Umm what is he posing for here? the "old enough to be a man but i still look like a boy" yearly calendar?

FLASHBACK : Underworld

OMGZ! All you twilight loving hippies made me forget how tuff vampires are! Tightly PVC Clad vampires! with guns! and English accents! even though i think Kate Beckinsale isn't the greatest looking girl in the world, she takes Edward Cullens sex appeal and absolutely obliterates it!

Basically if you havnt seen the movie its about the Vampires eternal struggle against their greatest foes the Lycans (Transforming Werewolves). PVC clad girl awakens a vampire leader ahead of time because she doesnt like the way the interim leader (some dude with girly hair) is running the place.

Enter fighting, guns, claws, jumping and some idiot guy who thinks he can contain the biggest lycan with two metal whips....... idiot.

In the end a hybrid lycan called Michael comes and wins the day for his new species.

Hybrid Lycan = WIN

MOVIE POSTER REVIEW : The Unborn

Movie : The Unborn

Now if pictures can say a thousand words what would this picture say?....... Would it say Scary? haunting? weird even? or would it just say Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass et reptium infinitium..... i personally think the latter, but is that because im a guy? a guy who can recognise a nicely photoshopped ass when he see's one? or is it the fact that BLAM! theres a big round unrealisticly perfect photoshopped ass right in the middle of the frame right above the title which you read first yet have to go back to again because you never were really looking at the title in the first place!

I wonder how many guys walked out unimpressed with their girlfriends after seeing Bride Wars or He's not that into you (which i recently ripped to shreds so i know how disappointed guys will be), only to be greeted by this piece of man marketing then stupidly turn to their girls and go "we should see this movie!" to be possibly replied to with a hard slap and a "we should see other people"........

..........why must marketing be so cruel!

REVIEW: He's Just not that into you

Movie: He's just not that into you

Seen, trailered or guessed: Seen (Willingly believe it or not)

Witty comment about my opinion of the movie involving the title of the movie: Im just not that into it.

Watch the trailer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IeXqvFR6HI

According to the trailer its based on a best selling book, one of those best selling books i've never purchased or even heard of. Its "All-Star" cast consists of The dude from Jeepers Creepers, Daredevil, that chick from Friends, E from Entourage, a Charlies Angel and a few others,one who looks like a girl i know but with bad eyebrows (Jen?) and one whose name is spelt Ginnifer?!? whose character if i may ad actually exists i suggest they neck themselves because they're making all women seem desperate!

The movie consists of 3 main relationships (or 1 lack of one and 2 relationships) which slightly tie in with each other. The relationships encounter certain situations which test each of the "all star cast" all wrapped up with girl jokes, happy endngs and an abundance of gay men in support roles.

The only funny part is where Charlies Angel reads her messages after seeing a guy, who leave basically the same message for another girl but dials the wrong number. This scene is in the preview too so you can save between 8-14 dollars by just watching the link.

The movie wasn't so bad i wanted to leave, but its not so good id want to watch it again.

Pros: Go see it with your girlfriend if you want brownie points

Cons: The Movie

People in cinema : 8

Recommended food : Something that will last the whole movie so you are busy from start to finish.